¿Por Que?

This weekend’s visit with mamita was rather painful.  ¿Por Que? you ask. She was on a roll with another one of her paranoid monologues fueled by Geritol, gin and my Tia Lolita, hate monger extraordinaire, and needed to let me know once again:  It’s a BAD time to be a “MessyCon” which is the English-is-not-your-first-language translation of Mexican.  Ever since her beloved Senator ‘Mc Aint’ (ever going to be President) also known as Senator John McCain, Mexico-bashed and flipped-flopped and flopped-flipped on immigration, she became convinced all peoples hate Mexicans.  Please keep in mind mom was born in this country, only lived in Mexico to be schooled and has lived here for most of her 82 years but reveres her cultural heritage.

Ever since her beloved Senator ‘Mc Aint’ (ever going to be President) also known as Senator John McCain, Mexico-bashed and flipped-flopped and flopped-flipped on immigration, she became convinced all peoples hate Mexicans.

It has taken a lot of convincing in the past to assure mama she was plain wrong, then the guac and salsa scandal erupted. “They’re blaming us for [food] poisoning America she screamed.”  NO! NO! I assured her it’s the waterdowned Americanized version of guac and salsa that’s poisoning people the Mexican spiced up version is just killing their gastrointestinal tracs and giving them the shits!

This time she was set off after hearing (which is limited and subjective) that the government was spending $8 billion to “coke up Mexicans.”  NO! NO! Mom its coked up monkeys using stimulus dollars.  Somehow frivolous government spending is not as offensive to her as coking up Mexicans.  God, I only hope that in some remote lab they aren’t coking up Mexican monkeys, what will I tell her then.  Of course this is the same women who called me panicked that an L.A. doctor was allegedly behind Michael Jackson’s death and was convinced Dr. Rey of 90210, was going to be implicated because of his Hispanic surname. 

I proceeded to list all the signs of American-style love there is for all things Mexican.  I avoided mentioning Arizona’s SB 1070, proposals to bar Mexican anchor babies, the rise of hate crimes against Mexican immigrants and of course was sensitive not to mention the countless English Only laws; that might offend some one who only speaks English when she wants to and thinks Spaniglish is going to become the mother tongue of the U.S.

“They’re blaming us for [food] poisoning America she screamed.”  NO! NO! I assured her it’s the waterdowned Americanized version of guac and salsa that’s poisoning people the Mexican spiced up version is just killing their gastrointestinal tracs and giving them the shits!

Boastfully, I mentioned there’s Taco Bell’s Cantina Taco, Budweiser’s Clamato Chelada, Vampire burritos on True Blood and even Lady Gaga in a faux Spanish accent singing about Roberto, Fernando and Alejandro - if this doesn’t say we love your people what does?  She finally conceded that to have one’s own culture become part of Americana is a sign of respect and acceptance but not the other way around. 

Reminding me of our family’s numerous and disastrous forays into assimilation and Americana – like Tio Beto’s proud purchase of a Ford Pinto with life savings forgetting he had a family of 8 to drive around or when all the girls in the family donned leg warmers but forgot to get rid of the huaraches (clearly not what Madonna had in mind) or keeping the underwear on while wearing a thong, possibly why I didn’t date much in my youth. 

I think I finally calmed my mother’s fears, until the next wave of anti-immigrant legislation comes around or the hate rhetoric picks up another decibal and while only the bad is heard about a culture and people that have contributed MORE than tacos, beer, illegal’s and violence to the world.