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Racy JC- Latinos, Commitment, and the Governator
Photo: This Costa Rican frog ain't no prince. Don't kiss him, he's poisonous!
Dear Racy JC,
I’ve been seeing Ranulfo now for 3 months and I am ready to commit. He seems to be resisting the idea, even though I can tell he feels very strongly about me. He always talks about going back to Costa Rica, but he’s been a US citizen for 20 years and that seems less and less likely. Could it be he’s non-committal because he still hopes his plan of going back will become a reality? If so, what can I do to get him to take a chance on our relationship? If not, what else could I do?
Mixed up in Manteca
Dear Mixed up in Manteca,
As far as the culture goes, Latin guys are not anti-commitment. In fact, when I researched my book, women and men said that Latin men really like to be in committed relationships (even though males and female both said Latin men are also more likely to stray).
But let me be honest. I don’t like to pull any punches. In the nicest way I can say it: You don’t have to talk it over with girlfriends, consult your astrologer, or get a tarot reading. If he is making excuses—any excuses—he doesn’t want a commitment, plain and simple. I know it’s hard sometimes. And just like the brothers, some Latin guys can throw down some great game. They can make you feel like you are the most beautiful—forget that. They can make you feel like the only woman in the world. But talk is cheap, sister. He needs to put up or shut up.
The Costa Rica thing? That “maybe” just keeps you at arm’s length. He needed to keep his “excuse” somewhat plausible so he can make sure you don’t tell him to “Eat mierda and die” and so he is still able to get into your pants whenever he wants. And whether he really goes or not is unimportant. When he is here he is not willing to be “with you.” That is all you need to know. I know he seems to like you, and he probably does, but not enough to commit. That is his mishegoss, not yours. I know it’s painful, but I say kick him to the curb. If he realizes how great you are, he may come back and ask you for a commitment. If not, I invoke the words of the irrepressible governator Arnold Schwarzenegger: “Hasta la vista, baby.”
Today’s contributor is J.C. Davies. J.C. spent more than a decade managing money and writing stock opinions on Wall Street. After the market downturn of 2008, she began focusing on her other area of expertise: interracial dating. She has more than 20 years of experience dating men of different cultures, including: Latino, Asian, Jewish, Black and Middle Eastern men. She lives in Midtown Manhattan with her boyfriend and geriatric cat. I Got the Fever the definitive guide to intercultural dating, hits bookstores February 1, 2011,