When you make love, nothing ever goes wrong sex is wonderful; you orgasm together every time; every experience is like a little slice of heaven; every touch awakening the senses like…aw hell, who am I kidding. Making love can be wonderful and everything you dreamed of yet there are other times, embarrassing moments, that leave you feeling humiliated and planning your move to Timbuktu. Below are four of the most embarrassing moments which can occur during sex and how you can add a little humor to help you overcome them. Remember, sex—lovemaking—is about having fun and enjoying your lover. If you’re not having fun, you’re doing it wrong!
Quiffing: Our body does amazing things including embarrass the hell out of us when we least expect it. Like making hungry rumbling noises during an important business meeting, or belching in front of someone we’re trying to impress. And who could ever forget that awful moment when you fart in front of your boyfriend for the first time? Farting any time at all is embarrassing; yet, worse than farting, is Quiffing. That drop dead humiliating moment when your vagina expels gas. Typically it occurs during penetration. However, it can also occur when your partner is kissing you intimately, his tongue tickling away, and his face has no prior warning. It’s those moments that you want to crawl under the covers and never return, swear yourself into chastity, and decide which nunnery you can join because you’ll never have sex again. But wait; don’t sign up for the convent yet. Instead of allowing Quiffing to ruin a wonderful night of lovemaking, as well as future erotic nights, make light of it. Pardon yourself. Tell your lover you’re glad “he wasn’t smoking while he was eating” and laugh the incident away. There’s nothing you can do to control your body’s natural gassy reactions. Even if you cross your legs and squeeze tight, you’ll Quiff anyway. So, chalk it up to the funny things that happen during sex and continue. The rest of the night is sure to be better.
Is it in: It’s isn’t the size of the boat that counts, but the motion of the ocean. Size doesn’t matter; it’s what you do with it that counts. He may not be able to reach China, but he can lick a stamp. Sure we’ve heard or used some of these sayings when trying to build confidence in our lovers or placate ourselves into believing “it’s” perfect just the way it is. Yet the truth is, these three two letter words for small are something every woman dreads asking…Is it in? You can love your man and enjoy his cunning tongue and flexible fingers but at times you need it thick and long in order to scratch that itch deep within. There’s nothing wrong with asking your partner to use a dildo during or after your lovemaking session. You’re not replacing him! You’re merely adding an additional sensation to the mix. And of course, the great thing about small men is they’re perfect for the back door.
That’s not it: Speaking of back doors…sometimes, during all that wild passionate thrusting, your partner might accidentally penetrate you anally. If you’re practicing your Kegels, or as I like to call them your “Hugs”, relax and release your PC muscle. If necessary stand up and “shake it off”. Walking around the room will help alleviate the discomfort. There’s nothing to be ashamed of nor blame to place, it’s just an oops and those happen occasionally. If you’re practicing safe sex, take a moment to change the condom. If not, wipe down his penis before starting over to keep bacteria from entering the vagina. If the mistake doesn’t bother you that much, continue with your passionate encounter and guide him into you. If you’re Doggie Style, remind him the Doggie Door is a bit further south and to use it properly or you’ll have to spank him. Huh, another deliciously wicked pleasure in itself.
Female-ejaculation: Most couples understand a woman’s body and the fact that she gets “wet” when excited. Some women produce more lubrication then others. Some women, not all, also ejaculate. This is when the woman expels a teaspoon to a ¼ cup of fluid from her body during sex. It may not occur every time. Some women experience female-ejaculation when their G-spot is stimulated or in certain positions. Female-ejaculation is not urination! Understanding this very natural phenomenon is important in embracing your full orgasmic potential. Talk it over with your partner if you know you ejaculate instead of denying yourself an orgasm. Keep extra towels under the bed to avoid jumping out of bed to change the sheets and instead enjoy the sensual afterglow of your lovemaking. Use mattress pads to help keep your bed fresh. It may surprise you to learn that once they understand what it is and what it’s not, many men enjoy making a woman “lose control” and want to be bathe in those sacred juices…just imagine where.