If you’re not having fun you’re doing it wrong!
Making love, having sex, being wild and adventurous should never be boring and never overshadowed by fear. As an adult, it’s your right to enjoy your sexuality to its fullest in whatever manner you deem appropriate for you whether by yourself or with another consenting adult. If you find yourself unsure or apprehensive about having sex because of the risks of pregnancy or sexually transmitted infections, you are not alone. Many men and women worry. It’s when we don’t that we overlook our health and safety and fail to take precautions. As an adult you have the right to claim your sensual and sexual divinity. Never allow anyone to take that away from you. You don’t have to deny yourself the pleasures of being sexual merely because you want to ensure to protect yourself against unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted infections; all you need is a little pre-planning, some creativity, a little boldness and a dash of courage and you’re all set to enjoy sex—safe sex—that’ll be orgasmic, erotic and deliciously fulfilling.
Tip #1: The Decision: It doesn’t matter what you plan to do, where you plan to do it, how you plan to engage in it, or whom you plan to share it with, the first thing you need to do is make a decision. Do you plan to be sexual or not? Do you plan to embrace your sensual and sexual nature, or not? If your answer is “no”, then you don’t needed to read further. However, if the answer is an exuberant “yes” or a shy “maybe in the future” then taking these steps will help you derive the greatest satisfaction from your sex life.
Tip #2: Learn about sex. Everything we want to be good at in life takes a bit of learning; from walking, learning to type (how else would you write all those emails), and my favorite learning to cook “arroz con dulcie”. It’s all about discovering something new. Sex is no different! Sex that fills you with tremendous pleasure and satisfaction, making you giggle and smile days later as you remember, starts with your mind. There are lots of great books available to teach you about the joys of sex; everything from technical explanations to emotional connections, spiritual awakenings, and making relationships better. However, reading a relationships book is not the same as reading a “how-to have sex” book that explains the “in’s and out’s”. (Chuckles—no pun intended.) Let’s forego for now the more elaborate position books which most people can’t even get into. One book to review is The Latina Kama Sutra: The Ultimate Guide to Dating Sex and Erotic Pleasures. This book provides you with seven basic sexual positions, everyone can enjoy regardless of physical abilities or weight. It shows you how to do: El Amor (man on top of the man); La Diosa (woman on top), even El Entrego (anal sex). Learning about sex also includes learning about Toys—yes, all those deliciously decadent little adult toys that we point and giggle at with our friends. Videos are another wonderful tool to use in your sexual education. There are literally thousands of videos out there. Yes, most of them are made for male sexual gratification and have no plot and the actors well…ok they’re not really there to act; but they do show you the mechanics of sex. If you want to learn from the videos however, I’d recommend the Sinclair Institute, Better Sex Series as well as the videos produced by Dr. Joseph Kramer who runs The New School of Erotic Touch in California http://www.erotictouch.com. It’s important to remember that a little embarrassment will occur while watching these videos, especially with your friends, and you may even get turned on as well—that’s ok and totally normal. Joke about it and move on. Allow yourself to learn from the videos, see what works for you, keep what you like and discard the rest.
Tip #3: Condoms, Lubs, & Dental Dams. It’s not merely important to learn what to do, it’s essential to learn how to protect yourself as well. If you’re exploring sexually and are not ready to become a parent, then ensure to employ some preventive measures and use birth control devices. It is not the man’s job to take care of this for you—but each individuals to protect each other. Always use condoms! If one isn’t available then enjoy non-penetrative sex such as mutual masturbation, touching, Mind-Pleasure, and discover new ways of being sensual. Condoms are no longer a luxury but a necessity. Keep them everywhere for easy access. In your purse. In the car. In the kitchen drawer. In the bathroom. By the bed. Even on your keychain or back pocket. Condoms come in various textures and flavors—enjoy them all. There are over 15 flavors to include peppermint, pina colada, grape, cola, and cherry. There’s also various textures like extra thin, ribbed for her pleasure and his. They also make female condoms which are a bit of a pain-in-the-butt to keep in place since they then to slip and are pushed into the vagina while thrusting.
Dental Dams are also helpful for oral sex on a woman. It’s merely a plastic square about 4x4 inches which you place over the vulva prior to oral sex thus preventing genital fluid contact. If you forget them or they’re not available in your area, cut up a non-lubricated condom and viola…there you have it. You can also use a piece Cling Wrap (not the microwaveable kind as that has holes). To make it more enjoyable spread a little flavored lubricant on it.
Tip #4: Communication: The key to Great Sex. Communicating your desires about sex is the key to great Sex. Not only is it erotic to hear what your lover wants to do to you but what they want done to themselves. Yes, sharing your desires does make you feel vulnerable at times; however, if you don’t trust the person you’re with to accept all of you, how can you possibly achieve the level of connection and surrender that you’ve always dreamed of with someone you love. This lack of open communication is what causes infidelity in relationships. The way I see it: if your partner rejects you because you want to have sex while you wear pink socks and are blindfolded, or you want to be adventurous or silly, then that’s not the person for you and so long as he/she is in your life, your prince/princess cannot enter. Therefore, get rid of the frog. Yes, often times you compromise in relationships and not everything is about sex; however, if your sex life flounders so does your relationship.