Latinos are growing alarmed that they will either be deported or face a Donald Trump presidency without any of their kind in key positions in his administration. As Latino voices amplify calling for diversity in Trumps’ overwhelmingly male, pale and stale administration low and behold Cuban-American’s own Cucu bird has come forward seeking to be the next Federal Reserve chairman.
“Hey brother @realDonaldTrump give me control of the Fed and we will make the economy great again,” tweeted Canseco. “Dow at 40k in 4 Years.
The occasionally lucid former major league baseball player’s key qualification appears to be the financial prognostications he offers on his Tweeter account. The same account he used in 2013 to live-tweet an attempted rape charge and a visit from investigating police. Trump and Canseco share a love of Tweeter and the power it gives the user to become a Nostra-dumb-ass. This dynamic duo also shares the habit of “badly” butchering the English language when speaking and tweeting. Canseco can be proud that his lack of formal education is only a few notches below Trump’s command of English grammar placed “somewhere shy” of the sixth-grade.
Latinos can rest assure that Conseco is not a mere jock and has had steady employment after officially retiring from baseball in 2002. The standouts in his professional resume are his work on reality TV, like the current President-elect, and shooting himself while cleaning a gun. He is also a part-time boxer and full-time boob that sparred with TV’s Partridge Family’s resident ginger Danny Bonaduce. The self-declared steroid user hopefully is being counseled not to mention during nomination hearings his occasional run-ins with the law that include wife beating, carrying a loaded gun in a car, a jail stint for violating probation and the unfortunate detainment by immigration officials for trying to sneak in fertility drugs from Mexico.
Cuban-Americans, nonetheless, can be proud that their native son prepared himself to work with Trump obtaining a degree in animal management - not sure if that means rounding up a wily Chihuahua - but it certainly can stand toe-to-toe with current Chairman Janet Yellen’s PhD in economics from Yale.
Many believe Conseco does not need to know much about monetary policy or even how to pronounce the word inflation because Trump and Canesco share an unbreakable bond: Celebrity Apprentice and bankruptcy. Caneseco appeared on the show with Trump in 2011 quickly followed by a bankruptcy filing in 2012. Sources cannot confirm if Canesco used his bankruptcy to avoid paying taxes much like Trump has or whether tax dodging will be a cornerstone of fed policy.
Latinos desperately seeking to contribute to the Trumpismo pledge to “Make America Great Again” fear Conseco will not be able to fulfill his aspiration to be the next Fed Chair when Yellen’s term ends in 2018. Many are aware how rampant steroid use impairs cognitive function and significantly reduces connectivity to reality.
Conseco supporters can be comforted that the teetotaler Trump shows signs of the same cognitive impairment as Conseco and yet qualified to become the 45th President of the United States.
HSN Staff Writers
HSN staff writers are a group of enthusiastic and talented creative-types that generate great story lines and write about current events with a distinctively Latino voice always respecting the audience it writes for.